Me in a nutshell

I am currently sitting in my bed, with a hot cup of tea and writing this. I am good at being clumsy, all the time. I don't like it when people act like they are someone they're not. I am horrible at telling people I like them, because I am too scared they won't like me back. I read more then I have time with. And I still don't read as much as I'd like to.  




I am embarrassingly bad at dancing at parties, but I only try to embrace it.

I love when the spotlight hits my face as I walk up on stage and I know exactly what I am supposed to do. I am not particularly good at doing things in time. I drink tea.

 I prefer to dance to my own drum, instead of trying to be like everyone else. I listen to Ed Sheeran and Taylor Swift. I like when I am just being myself and not trying so hard to get people to like me.


I am addicted to music and laughter.

I am wearing my white fuzzy socks, a tee with the print "Don't stop believing" and a pair of pyjamas shorts.

I like it when the sun is setting in the summer and you are sitting by the bay with your friends, and you can feel your happiness spreding through out your entire body. I 

am angry because of all the stupidity in the world. Why can't we all just get along and stop screwing everything up?
I am afraid of not being good enough and failing.
I wish I was brave and clever enough to know what I want and go after it.



/E

Hey there.

So, here you are, reading my blog, which is just another way for people to share what they feel. I should probably tell you who I am, or perhaps that doesn't really matter. I could tell you all of these things about me, how I am sixteen years old or that I am a blonde. I can mention that my parents are divorced or that I love my friends above most things in this reality. However does it really matter? As it may be you now see me as a spoiled rich girl who feels sorry for herself for the unhappiness in her parents marrige that made them seperate. We all know that looks can be deceiving.

So I am not going to rant about our stereotypes and the stupid roles our society has on us all that we can't walk down the street without thinking, "Oh, he's cute" or "What is she wearing?", reacting to the people around us without even knowing anything about these people. And perhaps it's nothing wrong with that, or maybe that is one of our biggest problem in the first world society. I don't know but what I actually ment to talk about was music. One of my major muses in this world is music. Not only singing and playing instruments, but these vibrations that reach our ears and if you are like me, takes you to this whole other universe. Moves you in a way that is hard to explain without sounding like a lunatic. I think music is almost an evidence that magic is not an unrealistic possibility.

Recently I started to listen to this song called "Youth", by Daughter and it is one of those songs you can listen to and just like the sound of.

However if you ignore this first feeling of peace in the music and instead listen to the lyrics and the pain of the song, then I think it gets so much better. It gets so much more deep and can touch you in a whole other way then just the first impression of it. For me this song is about heartbreak, or unrequited love. About the missery, bitterness and sorrow that can sometimes get so intense that it could swallow you whole. Suddenly you don't know where to go because these feelings are so strong that you are afraid to vanish. It doesn't stay for long, however it is still there in the back of your mind. Or at least mine.

And if you're in love then you are the lucky one,
 'Cause most of us are bitter over someone.
Setting fire to our insides for fun,
 To distract our hearts from ever missing them.
But I'm forever missing him.

It is something about this line that gets me everytime. Hits me right in the gut and then I can't quite move on. I think it is because I can see myself so much in this. I am sometimes so envious of the people around me who has someone and knows where they are going. The rest of us are only stumbling around in our own little bubble, trying to find our place in the world without a helping hand. At least I want someone, to hold my hand and smile when we see each other in hallway at school. Because if you're in love then you are the lucky one, since most of us are bitter over someone.
And there is nothing to do about it, just smile and move on. Trying to remember that one day that person looking honestly happy could be you.

/E